The hard thing about spilling your guts online is that it has an emotional toll. Nobody did or said anything that was upsetting, as a matter of fact I’ve had a lot of nudges of encouragement from readers and otherwise. Instead the toll was opening up trauma, which was a Pandora’s Box of sorts. I’ll be fine and ultimately this is still the right thing to do, but reliving painful parts of our past can be tough. I’m hoping that this is the last time I really relive this stuff and I let it all go.
What really hit me hard was remembering Cuddles aka Ryan. There are so many fond memories and a lot of bad ones. We are also coming up on the part of my life where my mother leaves me completely, which is something I still struggle with to this day. She’s still alive, but in order to process everything, I pretend she’s passed, which I’m sure you’ve already figured out - does not work. At some point it will just be a reality and she will be gone. I don’t have a lot of time to figure out “closure”, but maybe I can figure out acceptance.
I’m going to be heads down this week writing new content, but thank you for sticking by me and with me.
Excited to hear more from you Cyan! Sending love and light ✨💫