I learned of you and about you through your interview with Tim. My jaw was on the floor. There aren't a lot of people who go through a kundalini awakening like that and come through it as well, especially if you have had a lot of trauma. I've been there. I know how hard it is. It's inspiring to read everything you have to share. Happy to support you as you are having your inner journey. That's where you need it most.
I felt like I was going insane for about a month afterward. What I'm wondering, and maybe you have insight into this -- what happens when I process more trauma and let it go? I know I shouldn't become attached to what happened, as that defeats the point, but does it ... reawaken?
Temporary "insanity" is definitely par for the course! I had the same thing but mine lasted a few months. I think that was because of where my path was destined to end up though.
I'll try to answer your processing question here, but honestly I could talk about processing for hours. It's now my specialty. FYI, I view everything through an energetic lens.
Trauma gets stored in many different ways (in different parts of our energy system, our physical bodies and our psyche), and we don't have access to it all at once. Processing trauma is something that happens in layers. The attachment to what has happened is a natural part of the process of release. We live in stories. When we see something in our current life affected by our past, it reignites a connection to that trauma and or memory. This can feel like the whole trauma is reawakening and it can feel like you are starting at square one with it. But the truth is, you have worked on the trauma and you are at another layer (actually more accurately, a spiral). A lot of times, the layer seems more intense with more emotion present.
Energetically, when the trauma happens, parts of us freeze in time. There is an "arrested development" inside your energy system, mind and physical body. The freezing encompasses maturity you had at the time, including your emotional maturity, mindset, and in some cases your physical development.
This makes it very hard to act like an adult fully when our trauma is re-triggered because that part of us that was little, say 3 years old when something happened, doesn't understand how to handle the situation now. We revert to that version of ourselves and may act "like a child" in the moment, but really we ARE a child in that moment. It's super frustrating, especially if you are working hard to overcome your trauma and move on.
Back to attachment - as you release another layer of the trauma and the emotions and vibrations that go with it, you will become a little less attached, whether it feels like it or not.
There is a way to process that gets more of it out and I use it a lot. It's a combination of energetic and somatic processing. It's my go-to, especially if things are really stuck. It's easy to dig deep with it and you don't have to "relive" the trauma which is soooo nice. I'm using it daily right now to process some heavy stuff.
From my experience, I think it's important to note, too, that astrological transits can greatly affect what energy you have access to heal and what gets triggered. I actually look towards Human Design transits or active gates for this because I think it's easier to figure out. For instance, as I am writing this, Jan 24, "Hopes and Dreams" is the Human Design gate that is active for everyone collectively, and I have been processing a lot about that this week.
I hope this helps and I love geeking out on this stuff. Happy to answer any more questions you have about it all.
Cyan, looking forward to reading your book. I learned of you through your conversation with Tim. In the end of that talk, you said you’d welcome the encouragement for your book writing. Here I am. I downloaded the Substack app for the first time, figured out how to use it, subscribed to leave a message here, mainly to encourage you to finish the book. Today I am watching your conversation with Scott Britton, another fascinating conversation. Somehow, I see one day when you advocate your book in a bookstore, I will be one of the people waiting in the queue for your signature on the book, we will have some chats, then we say goodbye to each other with feeling brighter in both of our hearts. Thank you for being you! Your book as a way of expressing who you are will be splendid also!
I love this mind movie. Working on the next post now. For some reason, and I know people say this isn't needed, but I feel like I have to get ALL of the source material out here in public first. But, the day this happens, lets have a really long hug.
Thanks for replying and the invitation to share. I appreciate your time! So, I’ll keep it short
Since you’ve referenced the Matrix black cat moment in your recent post, I’ll say it this way: you’ve help me awaken to the fact I’ve been Cypher, the traitor character, who sells out the team to agent Smith over that nonexistent, yet juicy-delicious, steak…which I’ve numbed & satiated myself upon for the last few decades.
I used to trust. Myself, as well as the special few others and what we had together. We had magic. I did not really grasp how special it was until, as we all do, I lost it. They’re all gone now. Either directly by an overdose or its death-by-misadventure sibling.
One example was Mikey. We had a “find each other” compass. We could say, “Hey, I’ll meet you In NYC after you get out of Santana & I get out of The Wall.” “Ok, cool. See ya later.” We didn’t have to say where or when, you know, it’s NYC, we’ll just run into each other when we’re supposed to. Boom. Always.
One morning on the way to work, I shared this ability with my wallpapering boss. “Bulls*t.” So, I felt ol’ Mikey ringing me up and I responded, “As a matter of fact, I think we’ll see him later today.” Descending those long steps at the Museum of Modern History after a long lunch, I said, “Hey, that’s Mikey right there on the corner!”
Viola! One freaked out boss. And the once in a while validation-reminders that this stuff is real.
After Mikey’s passing, our connection continued. It spontaneously taught me what I later learned was called psychopomp work. The journey of the soul, interesting stuff.
I’ve had a couple of other connections exactly like that only different, one which involved three of us driving from NY to LA in my car named The Prayer to become rock stars. One still is, one is gone, and I jumped off the express. Many colorful, powerful, can’t-make-this-up-synchronistic tales.
The final one I’ll mention here was my cross country hitchhiking partner/adventure. On one of the last legs from east to west, we landed in Albuquerque after a ride in a van with a warmhearted, rough around the edges, family man who wanted us to continue on with him to his church instead of our plans to San Fran. So, while I was already teetering on the edge of the veils between realities from listening to your Ferriss podcast interview, and then went to your Substack page to see that map of ABQ staring back at me…well, that was just too much.
It’s time to wake up.
It’s time to trust again.
And in the words of Terrence McKenna, it’s time to find the others.
Again, thank you - and thanks for the invitation to share!
Excited to follow along. You are encouraging many to go from giving high fives on the sidelines to becoming more intentional / active in their own work!
Curious if you have listened to Ky Dickens’ recent work Telepathy Tapes? Any parallel themes to your Boston experience? Think the world is ready for what you have to say :)
I've had a lot of people mention the telepathy tapes to me. I've looked into the methods they use for spelling and I think there are some problems with the methods that erode some of the credibility of the claims, but that doesn't mean I don't think what is happening isn't true. This stuff is hard, if not impossible to measure or consistently observe.
I will give it a listen this weekend. Been meaning to, so thank you for the nudge.
My perspective is that the telepathy tapes contain long-form versions of the research the UVA Division of Perceptual Studies, Dean Radin (who shows up on the TTapes), and David Hawkins had done. For someone as technically capable (and interested!) as you, reading their direct studies may be an interesting ROI on time.
Some of the smartest people I know have gone down this consciousness research rabbit hole and emerged convinced that consciousness is fundamental — however much of the rsrch is admittedly criticized and disregarded by mainstream. A fun dynamic to examine!
I learned of you and about you through your interview with Tim. My jaw was on the floor. There aren't a lot of people who go through a kundalini awakening like that and come through it as well, especially if you have had a lot of trauma. I've been there. I know how hard it is. It's inspiring to read everything you have to share. Happy to support you as you are having your inner journey. That's where you need it most.
I felt like I was going insane for about a month afterward. What I'm wondering, and maybe you have insight into this -- what happens when I process more trauma and let it go? I know I shouldn't become attached to what happened, as that defeats the point, but does it ... reawaken?
Temporary "insanity" is definitely par for the course! I had the same thing but mine lasted a few months. I think that was because of where my path was destined to end up though.
I'll try to answer your processing question here, but honestly I could talk about processing for hours. It's now my specialty. FYI, I view everything through an energetic lens.
Trauma gets stored in many different ways (in different parts of our energy system, our physical bodies and our psyche), and we don't have access to it all at once. Processing trauma is something that happens in layers. The attachment to what has happened is a natural part of the process of release. We live in stories. When we see something in our current life affected by our past, it reignites a connection to that trauma and or memory. This can feel like the whole trauma is reawakening and it can feel like you are starting at square one with it. But the truth is, you have worked on the trauma and you are at another layer (actually more accurately, a spiral). A lot of times, the layer seems more intense with more emotion present.
Energetically, when the trauma happens, parts of us freeze in time. There is an "arrested development" inside your energy system, mind and physical body. The freezing encompasses maturity you had at the time, including your emotional maturity, mindset, and in some cases your physical development.
This makes it very hard to act like an adult fully when our trauma is re-triggered because that part of us that was little, say 3 years old when something happened, doesn't understand how to handle the situation now. We revert to that version of ourselves and may act "like a child" in the moment, but really we ARE a child in that moment. It's super frustrating, especially if you are working hard to overcome your trauma and move on.
Back to attachment - as you release another layer of the trauma and the emotions and vibrations that go with it, you will become a little less attached, whether it feels like it or not.
There is a way to process that gets more of it out and I use it a lot. It's a combination of energetic and somatic processing. It's my go-to, especially if things are really stuck. It's easy to dig deep with it and you don't have to "relive" the trauma which is soooo nice. I'm using it daily right now to process some heavy stuff.
From my experience, I think it's important to note, too, that astrological transits can greatly affect what energy you have access to heal and what gets triggered. I actually look towards Human Design transits or active gates for this because I think it's easier to figure out. For instance, as I am writing this, Jan 24, "Hopes and Dreams" is the Human Design gate that is active for everyone collectively, and I have been processing a lot about that this week.
I hope this helps and I love geeking out on this stuff. Happy to answer any more questions you have about it all.
Cyan, looking forward to reading your book. I learned of you through your conversation with Tim. In the end of that talk, you said you’d welcome the encouragement for your book writing. Here I am. I downloaded the Substack app for the first time, figured out how to use it, subscribed to leave a message here, mainly to encourage you to finish the book. Today I am watching your conversation with Scott Britton, another fascinating conversation. Somehow, I see one day when you advocate your book in a bookstore, I will be one of the people waiting in the queue for your signature on the book, we will have some chats, then we say goodbye to each other with feeling brighter in both of our hearts. Thank you for being you! Your book as a way of expressing who you are will be splendid also!
I love this mind movie. Working on the next post now. For some reason, and I know people say this isn't needed, but I feel like I have to get ALL of the source material out here in public first. But, the day this happens, lets have a really long hug.
Loved the Tim Ferriss interview, which introduced me to you & your story, which reawakened forgotten & important chapters of my own. Blessings!
This is fantastic and wonderful to hear. I'd love to know about them. When you are ready to share.
Thanks for replying and the invitation to share. I appreciate your time! So, I’ll keep it short
Since you’ve referenced the Matrix black cat moment in your recent post, I’ll say it this way: you’ve help me awaken to the fact I’ve been Cypher, the traitor character, who sells out the team to agent Smith over that nonexistent, yet juicy-delicious, steak…which I’ve numbed & satiated myself upon for the last few decades.
I used to trust. Myself, as well as the special few others and what we had together. We had magic. I did not really grasp how special it was until, as we all do, I lost it. They’re all gone now. Either directly by an overdose or its death-by-misadventure sibling.
One example was Mikey. We had a “find each other” compass. We could say, “Hey, I’ll meet you In NYC after you get out of Santana & I get out of The Wall.” “Ok, cool. See ya later.” We didn’t have to say where or when, you know, it’s NYC, we’ll just run into each other when we’re supposed to. Boom. Always.
One morning on the way to work, I shared this ability with my wallpapering boss. “Bulls*t.” So, I felt ol’ Mikey ringing me up and I responded, “As a matter of fact, I think we’ll see him later today.” Descending those long steps at the Museum of Modern History after a long lunch, I said, “Hey, that’s Mikey right there on the corner!”
Viola! One freaked out boss. And the once in a while validation-reminders that this stuff is real.
After Mikey’s passing, our connection continued. It spontaneously taught me what I later learned was called psychopomp work. The journey of the soul, interesting stuff.
I’ve had a couple of other connections exactly like that only different, one which involved three of us driving from NY to LA in my car named The Prayer to become rock stars. One still is, one is gone, and I jumped off the express. Many colorful, powerful, can’t-make-this-up-synchronistic tales.
The final one I’ll mention here was my cross country hitchhiking partner/adventure. On one of the last legs from east to west, we landed in Albuquerque after a ride in a van with a warmhearted, rough around the edges, family man who wanted us to continue on with him to his church instead of our plans to San Fran. So, while I was already teetering on the edge of the veils between realities from listening to your Ferriss podcast interview, and then went to your Substack page to see that map of ABQ staring back at me…well, that was just too much.
It’s time to wake up.
It’s time to trust again.
And in the words of Terrence McKenna, it’s time to find the others.
Again, thank you - and thanks for the invitation to share!
With All Good Medicine,
Randal
Excited to follow along. You are encouraging many to go from giving high fives on the sidelines to becoming more intentional / active in their own work!
Curious if you have listened to Ky Dickens’ recent work Telepathy Tapes? Any parallel themes to your Boston experience? Think the world is ready for what you have to say :)
I've had a lot of people mention the telepathy tapes to me. I've looked into the methods they use for spelling and I think there are some problems with the methods that erode some of the credibility of the claims, but that doesn't mean I don't think what is happening isn't true. This stuff is hard, if not impossible to measure or consistently observe.
I will give it a listen this weekend. Been meaning to, so thank you for the nudge.
Fun to hear from you, Cyan!
My perspective is that the telepathy tapes contain long-form versions of the research the UVA Division of Perceptual Studies, Dean Radin (who shows up on the TTapes), and David Hawkins had done. For someone as technically capable (and interested!) as you, reading their direct studies may be an interesting ROI on time.
Some of the smartest people I know have gone down this consciousness research rabbit hole and emerged convinced that consciousness is fundamental — however much of the rsrch is admittedly criticized and disregarded by mainstream. A fun dynamic to examine!