(Warning, some of this content may be disturbing for individuals who’ve experienced abuse) My step-father and mother fought constantly. These fights would often become physical with my mother escalating things. I have a vivid memory of my mother cornering my father and trying to pour freshly brewed hot coffee all over him. I also sadly have a memory of my step-father’s brother hitting my mother while she was pregnant with my brother with a frying pan. My mother could say some scathing things without raising her voice ever and cut you down, but words escalating to violence seemed so odd to me. I took to hiding in my room more.
Fortunately this isn't the case anymore, a mother doesn't have to lose full rights to her child and the father has many more legal rights than they did before. Many states are now into the Fathers First laws. Although some mothers should rightfully have visitation limited for obvious reasons.
My god, Cyan, that's horrible and I'm sad that' happened to you. People will see you in the public eye, see your race your sex, your success in the tech world - and assume: "she's had it easy, white privlege, blah blah ..." At your age, I was growing up with strangely cavalier British caucasian kid (what we African kids called whites then); after my step mother-long story-brought me to Detroit, a formerly 'only child' was introduced to multiple new 'siblings'. In black American culture, they don't acknowledge 'half' or 'removed' relatives. "If you got the same Mama? that's you brother!" Over the years, the cultural yaw was apparent between my African/Briton self and my black American siblings. It was like the Borg. In Detroit. Too many unpleasantries to catalog here! After high school the Marines were an excellent escape for me. When I returned home after bootcamp? my half-brother Kenny tried to test me and attacked me. He was maybe 30, a boozing drifter. But, he was a respected scrapper. I didn't fight him back. For me, it was my newly found sense of USMC honour. For him? "The Marines aint teach you shit, nigga!" (smh) Family can do the deepest, visceral harm to us, I think. I went back to finish 6 years of tours, and BFA from the top art school in Michigan. Never really looked back. I'm an ONLY child, afterall.
Yikes... but good for you for doing the right thing
Fortunately this isn't the case anymore, a mother doesn't have to lose full rights to her child and the father has many more legal rights than they did before. Many states are now into the Fathers First laws. Although some mothers should rightfully have visitation limited for obvious reasons.
And I am so so sorry.
My god, Cyan, that's horrible and I'm sad that' happened to you. People will see you in the public eye, see your race your sex, your success in the tech world - and assume: "she's had it easy, white privlege, blah blah ..." At your age, I was growing up with strangely cavalier British caucasian kid (what we African kids called whites then); after my step mother-long story-brought me to Detroit, a formerly 'only child' was introduced to multiple new 'siblings'. In black American culture, they don't acknowledge 'half' or 'removed' relatives. "If you got the same Mama? that's you brother!" Over the years, the cultural yaw was apparent between my African/Briton self and my black American siblings. It was like the Borg. In Detroit. Too many unpleasantries to catalog here! After high school the Marines were an excellent escape for me. When I returned home after bootcamp? my half-brother Kenny tried to test me and attacked me. He was maybe 30, a boozing drifter. But, he was a respected scrapper. I didn't fight him back. For me, it was my newly found sense of USMC honour. For him? "The Marines aint teach you shit, nigga!" (smh) Family can do the deepest, visceral harm to us, I think. I went back to finish 6 years of tours, and BFA from the top art school in Michigan. Never really looked back. I'm an ONLY child, afterall.
Your treatment was so sad... I imagine to this day you suffer from guilt, But what a brave smart girl You were